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July 2024

Patriotism = Free Speech
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She’s Got Legs
Featured Article

She’s Got Legs

Sure, it might feel great to fold your girl up like a rag doll while you’re going to town, but beware—not every woman is willing to risk pulling a hamstring in the name of sexual gymnastics.

A lot of women have legs that seem to go all the way up to their ears. As guys—the horny petitioners of poon—this striking physical attribute gets our boners flopping like a walrus having a grand mal seizure. Contrary to the popular notion that men mostly focus on a lady’s rack when they meet, truth be told it’s really those gams that do us in. Sure, a woman might catch a guy giving her hooters a once-over as they cross paths in the produce aisle at Whole Foods, but let me assure you it’s only because her boobs are in the line of sight on his way to size up those sexy stilts. 

This is mostly because we desperately want to get in between them, yet it’s more than that. We want to drape them over our shoulders and pound it out totally unimpeded by her lower extremities, as if we’re some kind of closet paraphile looking for a way out. Many men have testified that this obsession is because the pussy just feels better from that angle, as opposed to the missionary in-and-out, where the woman’s legs, regardless of their beauty, get in the way. “It feels deeper, to fold them up,” Kenneth, 38, of La Crosse, Wisconsin, tells Other gents with an affinity for going legs-over-shoulders claim the approach is about asserting control, employing elements of American Psycho with a dash of Extreme Engineering. “It’s dominating,” Chuck, 41, tells us. “It looks real slutty too, which I like.”

Unfortunately, not all women are keen on getting rocked by the cock while in such a contortion. They claim it’s not the most comfortable of porking positions, and for those with minimal flexibility, it can even be painful. “It totally destroys my hamstrings,” declares Lyndsey, a 34-year-old from Macon, Georgia. “If I wanted to do yoga, I’d take a class.” The female persuasion often espouses that the only reason men have an affinity for this position is that it’s a stroke of self-importance, providing the illusion of having a larger penis; that it’s more about doing the most damage to his partner rather than bringing her pleasure, giving them some false sense that they’ve achieved some chilling feat of excellence in the meat-slinging department. “It’s just for their ego,” asserts Nikki, 27, a resident of Bristol, Connecticut. “It doesn’t feel good getting hit repeatedly in the cervix.” 

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