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July 2024

Patriotism = Free Speech
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Porking Paybacks
Featured Article

Porking Paybacks

Exploring the pros and (many) cons of revenge sex.

“If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?” – William Shakespeare

No matter how demure or conservative a woman might be, all bets are off if she is wronged in a relationship. She could be a rosary-toting, prayer-spewing, church-going lady of the lord, but the second she finds out that her husband has been banging the neighbor every Sunday morning while she’s out there giving praise, her righteous ass will be open for nasty business. Expect her to engage in all sorts of lascivious deeds to exact her revenge, perhaps even going as far as to gobble the gonads of a few fellow parishioners, just to teach that no-good bastard a lesson he won’t soon forget. She might have been on her knees in a church pew asking for god’s forgiveness, but now she’s kneeling with Pastor Porksword’s holy hog down her throat. That’s the crazy thing about love—it just takes one wrong move to turn a devoted partner into a revenge-seeking missile red-hot with loathing and extreme prejudice.   

Nobody understands the wrath of a wronged woman like Grant, a 45-year-old forklift driver from Des Moines, Iowa. He tells HUSTLERMagazine.com that, after divorcing his wife of ten years (admittedly for another woman), he learned the hard way that girls can really go wild. “She had a threesome with two guys I work with,” he groans, admitting that it was rather difficult to deal with all the locker-room chatter following his ex’s raunchy romp. “I didn’t know them personally; we weren’t buddies—they worked on assembly on another line—but it didn’t matter. They bragged about it enough that word got around, and people gave me all kinds of hell over it.” Was it revenge? “Definitely,” Grant asserts.

While it’s not uncommon for a jilted lover to run out and bone someone new in an attempt to let a former partner really have it, some revenge-bent mavens argue that the art of inflicting real emotional pain is a long game. “After I split from my ex, I started talking to this guy who’s in a band with him,” explains Darwi, 26. After a few weeks, once she was positive that her ex’s bandmate wasn’t going to spill the beans about the two of them chatting it up, Darwi took things up a notch by asking to meet in person. “I knew they had band practice earlier; they always did on Thursdays,” Darwi says. “I told him he looked sexy in the shirt he was wearing in his Instagram post and that he should come over.” One thing led to another, and soon, Darwi went in for the kill. “We fucked on my couch, and when he went to the bathroom [after we finished], I put on his shirt and took a selfie in it and sent it to my ex.” Was Darwi’s devious plot enough to settle the score? “Yeah, it was great,” she says.

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