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March 2024

Featuring Roxy Shaw
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Photo: Fahroni / Alamy Stock Photo
Featured Article

Plan, Me?

With increasing attacks on reproductive rights, demand for emergency contraception among women is surging—and if guys are smart, they’ll gladly offer to cover the cost of it.

If ever there was a near-perfect business model in the United States designed around sex, it was the pharmaceutical industry wagering on drunk and horny people engaging in wild, sloppy, unprotected porking and instantly regretting it. Since forever ago, the coital community has been making questionable decisions with even more questionable people and the outcome, at least for a time, often resulted in some snot-nosed kid that nobody wanted being brought into the world nine months later. And while abortion was once common practice in the Land of the Free, increasing laws against terminating pregnancies, including the recent reversal of Roe v. Wade, has given women fewer choices after some guy they hardly know glazes their ovaries in the heat of the moment. Thankfully, along the Walk of Shame is a local pharmacy where any adult woman can purchase emergency contraceptives, such as Plan B—aka the “morning-after” pill—eliminating any possibility that some unwanted rug rat is going to come crawling from her snatch.

For the time being, anyway. Unfortunately, an alarming number of politicians at the state and federal level are presently dabbling in some bizarre, extremist God-fearing ethos that seems to have been stolen from Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, one that contends that women must have the babies they make, even if it was because they were raped by their drunken uncle. No doubt, right-wing politicians are waging war against emergency contraceptives, with the U.S. Supreme Court announcing recently that it plans to hear a case that could lead to a ban of the FDA-approved abortion drug mifepristone. So, a lot more women are taking advantage of Plan B while they still can. Recent research shows that demand for emergency contraception has surged in the United States in recent years, presumably because nobody with a pussy wants to take the chance of finding out they are with child, just to have Uncle Sam’s zealotry-inspired overstep force them to give birth. 

“It’s cheaper than raising a kid for the next 18 years,” Sasha, a 22-year-old student at the University of Toledo, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com.

Of course, emergency contraceptives are certainly cheaper than bringing up children or paying 18-plus years of child support, for that matter, but these drugs are still plenty expensive. Considering that Plan B can cost as much as $50, enough clumsy copulation can break the bank for those trying to pay rent and even eat on occasion. “It was super expensive [for me] back in college,” reports Laura, a 34-year-old chef, who like a lot of women her age did some sexual exploration during those years of academia. 

emergency contraception
Photo: Fahroni / Alamy Stock Photo

Even if there’s no slip-up, a lot of women take Plan B following random sexual encounters just to ensure they are safe. “I’m on birth control and still take it sometimes because maybe the night was a mistake,” declares Cyndi of Murfreesboro, Tennessee. “The only thing worse than getting pregnant is getting pregnant by the wrong guy.”

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