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February 2024

Bella Donna
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Music to Your Ears?
Featured Article

Music to Your Ears?

Everyone knows that many people find musicians sexy, but are they actually any better in bed than those who don’t play an instrument?

It has been said that music is life. Without it, the world would be a pretty craptastic place to reside. If not for the ability to come home after a long, wretched day grinding away at our chosen profession and put on a classic from our favorite artist—well, we would have all probably crawled to the edge of the world and jumped off into a sea of nothingness long before now. 

But music, much to its credit, does a lot more than keep disgruntled people semi-sane—it also makes them horny. All one need do is scour the footage from the British Invasion of the 1960s to see that’s true. Just the sight of a John and Paul was enough back then to make women cry and faint in ecstasy. 

There’s no shortage of audiophiles whose genitalia start to flutter in the presence of a musician, no matter what their skill level. Even the hack with an acoustic guitar butchering classics at the neighborhood bar and grill every Thursday night benefits from this porkalicious perk. Yeah, buddy, in this day and age when everyone seems so confused about how to have more sex, it appears all anyone really needs to do is pick up an instrument. 

“I dated one [bass player] who studied jazz at a school here in Chicago, and he also played with a local death metal band. He was very versatile. The dexterity of his fingers—oh my god, he could do things to me that I swear not even a vibrator can.”


“Getting chicks was why I wanted to learn guitar back in high school,” Dave, a 44-year-old from Stow, Ohio, tells—and that’s a sentiment that pretty much every male string-strummer would echo, if they’re being honest. 

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