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June 2022

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Man Up and Go Down!
Featured Article

Man Up and Go Down!

As illogical as it may be, some guys refuse to eat pussy, even in these sexually enlightened times. But with improved communication and education, it’s a problem that can be solved lickety-split.

As much as it pains us to acknowledge, some guys don’t eat pussy. It’s not just that they don’t—they won’t. Nope, this odd breed of fickle fornicator flat-out refuses to go munching down in V-town. 

Why? Well, for various reasons—none of which, we assure you, are good. Some of these boys are afraid of how a vagina will taste. They think the pink will hit their palate like a foul piece of sushi served at the one table in the restaurant located a little too close to the shitter. Other, supposedly full-grown men aren’t licking snatch simply because of a gnawing fear of intimacy with her urinary tract. Dude, no way I’m doing that, she pees out of there! 

Believe it or not, the excuses for this strange aversion get even more bizarre than that. And perhaps not surprisingly, the distaste for chowing down at the cooter cafeteria can be indicative of a general inability to please women in bed.

“This guy told me once that he wouldn’t do that because of some dental work he had done,” 35-year-old Isabelle tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “I was like, Whatever. You don’t use your teeth, you man-baby. He was terrible in bed, too; real rushed and awkward. I should have known he was going to be a flop as soon as I mentioned going down on me, and he scrunched up his face.”

Another woman, Aubrey, 42, shares the unfortunate tale of a man who was more than happy to occupy her house but wouldn’t clean her carpet. Unlike Isabelle, though, she doesn’t refer to him as a man-baby—she calls him hubby. Yep, Aubrey married the no-eating bastard.

“He said when we first got together that he gets claustrophobic down there having his face covered, and he can’t breathe,” she recalls. “I’ve been married to him for 15 years, and he’s still never tried.”

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