Spring is in the air, and sex is on pretty much everyone’s mind. Before you head out there with your love gun in search of a conquest, we’re here to arm you with some advice for your expedition.
Spring is in the air.
The days are getting longer, birds are chirping, flowers are starting to bloom and the squirrels have thawed out just enough to chase each other around the yard in a dashing pursuit to get a nut. Humans aren’t any different, let’s get that straight. The second the temperature breaks 65 degrees, every sex-hungry gal on the block can be found in the front yard in a pair of booty shorts. And after the diddle-time drought a lot of dudes experienced over the long, cold winter, they’ll come running, too, eager to bash that beaver, damnit. There’s a reason someone you know always seems to get knocked up during the summer. ’Tis the season for fucking, a time when people are stepping outside with their love guns fully loaded, ready to take down some big game. In short, it’s humping season.
Although many of us wish it was as easy to get laid as it is for the wildlife, the reality is, no matter how much horniness is in the air, there’s still a lot of red tape that goes into having sex. Yep, we must still play the game, and damn well, if we expect to pounce on some prey anytime soon. Unfortunately, this game is one with no clear-cut set of rules (they’re changing all the time) and, in many cases, the guy, an unworthy opponent when matched against females, loses. “I’d have better luck becoming an international chess champion than win at the dating game,” Kemer, a 35-year-old marketing representative from St. Louis, Missouri, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “I’ve never even played chess, if that tells you how unskilled I am in this field.”
Hey, we get it.
