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Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
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July 2021

Featuring Mary Rock
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In Praise of Missionary
Featured Article

In Praise of Missionary

Man-on-top sex is often dismissed as a dull, vanilla-sex antiquity, but don’t believe it—the missionary position is a fucking classic! Here’s how to get the biggest bang from it.

Perhaps it is my Southern upbringing, but it always felt rude to bang a girl doggy-style on the first date. When it happens, though, I can’t help but imagine my mother, a devout Catholic with Jewish tendencies, screaming at me from the sidelines like, “Boy, you had better turn that girl over right now and fuck her like the good Lord intended.” Ugh! Not even years of therapy can help me now. Failing to give a woman the common courtesy of looking her in the eyes while savagely shtupping her never felt quite neighborly. For me, going belly-to-belly was how one showed the ladies an appreciation for lowering their standards. The missionary position provides us with this luxury.

However, it turns out that this classic fuck-time favorite known as the missionary position has been given a bad name, written off as a bland antiquity. Ladies aren’t always thrilled about getting pounded out while lying flat on their backs. Nope, some women—especially millennials—would rather take the walk of shame the next morning feeling like they had just been passed around by a bunch of cranked-out circus clowns than spend a single second pinned under some sweaty man-beast who keeps asking them, “Did you come yet?” 

“I’ve never been able to get off in the missionary position,” Heather, a 32-year-old photographer, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “I feel like guys just climb on and jackhammer away like they see in porn, thinking they are blowing my mind when, in reality, it’s not at all satisfying. They can’t seem to find my button from up there, no matter how much I work from the bottom. Honestly, I usually end up climbing on top to make sure I have at least one orgasm before they finish.”

Other women say that the missionary position hits the spot like Floyd Mayweather on fight night, while also providing them with a level of intimacy that’s not necessarily possible with other positions. “Missionary sex is my absolute favorite,” declares 31-year-old HUSTLER superfan Jay Brizz. “I have a narrow birth canal and I find it to be the most comfortable fit. It also gives me room to run my nails down his back; I can put my hands through his hair, and I can bite his lip. It is a more sensual and more fantastical position than most people give it credit for.”

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