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July 2024

Patriotism = Free Speech
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Hook Up, Bail Out
Featured Article

Hook Up, Bail Out

Join us as we tackle the touchy subject of when to head for the door after a one-night stand.

There’s an old country song which wisely asserts that you have to “know when to walk away, and know when to run.” This slice of philosophy from the depths of Americana, it could be debated, should be considered the official foundation of life’s many encounters. Everything we do is a gamble, all of it, and knowing when to bail out at the right time is key. That includes participating in hookup culture. Very few seem to understand the proper time to bid farewell to a temporary partner when the sex is all said and done. They tend to linger and loiter after the lovin’, and that oftentimes creates a certain level of awkwardness for the humping host, infecting them with a heaping load of buyer’s remorse. 

Overstaying your welcome following a random romp is a mistake that everyone has made at one point. It’s just that no one fully understands the other’s intentions, and nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings, so both participants sort of enter into this bizarre, spineless post-porking purgatory that totally prevents them from uttering phrases such as, “I better get going,” or, more directly, “Get the fuck out.” This inability to communicate openly and honestly, unfortunately, has been known to lead to hours of pointless conversation and even brunch. I once had a hookup that lasted for three excruciatingly long days simply because I was too polite to ask her to go. No matter what, there she was. By the third day, I wished my house would catch fire, that I’d suffer an aneurysm, or that an asteroid would come barreling through the roof. 

Anything just to be free. 

“I don’t have a problem leaving if I’m at somebody else’s place, but I can’t seem to ask them to leave when they stay at mine,. It’s like they can’t take cues.”

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