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September 2022

Scarlett Alexis
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Holy Fucks!
Featured Article

Holy Fucks!

Join us as we attempt to untangle the complicated relationship between sex and religion. Can we get an Amen?

A lot of us live in a heathenous society, just trying to dip our wicks in every dripping hole we can without concern of an invisible sky wizard looking down on us in utter disgust, not that we care. But for the god-fearing among us, those scared shitless to use their sex organs for anything other than baby-making, the Lord Almighty is a supreme cock-blocker.

Many ultra-religious people have been raised to believe that sex of any kind isn’t to be enjoyed. They are the ones who, through years of biblical brainwashing, have become thoroughly convinced that their savior—this dude whose credo is supposed to be unconditional love—is sitting in the corner of their bedroom glaring disapprovingly.

When it comes to sex, those frightened by the Almighty Father aren’t getting it as good as the rest of us, a new study in the Journal of Family Psychology shows. Researchers say couples who associate knob-slobbing, sodomy or just straight missionary style vag-banging with the concept of original sin aren’t getting off to their full potential. Surprised? Hell, we’re not. Many bound by scripture believe there is a special place in hell for those who come too much or with too many people. They think sex is gross, perverted, something for soulless weirdos who are willing to risk paradise in heaven to satisfy their base urges.

Photo courtesy HUSTLER Video

These hang-ups, of course, can have devastating effects in the bedroom. It’s tricky for any man to keep a glass-cutting erection when there’s a voice inside his head screaming, “If you don’t knock her up this time, John, you’re going straight to Hell!” We assume it is equally arduous for most women to stay wet and in the moment with the crucifix hanging over the bed.

“If someone has very strong religious beliefs that include extremely strict rules governing sexual behavior, there’s a good chance they are going to feel a considerable amount of sexual guilt and shame.”

Dr. Eric Sprankle

“If someone has very strong religious beliefs that include extremely strict rules governing sexual behavior, there’s a good chance they are going to feel a considerable amount of sexual guilt and shame,” Dr. Eric Sprankle, associate professor of psychology and co-director of sexual studies at Minnesota State University, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “Feeling bad about your body, your sexual identities and your sexual behaviors is certainly not conducive to having great sex.”

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