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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Featured Article

Gut Feelings

Media reports have suggested that women go nuts for guys with big guts—but is it true? We dive deep to get the real skinny.

Men have been racking their horny little brains since the dawn of time trying to figure out what it takes to nail more women. And they’ve attempted every mating ritual in the book to achieve this goal. But conventional wisdom suggests that there are certain physical traits that women are innately attracted to. It’s hard to deny that women get a little damp when they lock eyes with a stud who has a strong jaw and a fit physique, and looks like he might be packing a 16-inch pecker. It’s probably the biggest reason that guys are obsessed with their bodies now more than ever. They spend countless hours in the gym and eat better not because they want to be healthier and live longer lives, but so they can have more sex.

However, researchers have suggested that being young and ripped isn’t necessarily the key to attracting women. 

Well, not researchers per se, as in plural, but rather a solitary scientist from Yale University, Professor Richard Bribiescas. In his book How Men Age: What Evolution Reveals About Male Health and Mortality, he asserts that women may swoon over certain physical characteristics of older males (gray hair, specifically), because something about those qualities tells women that a guy’s jizz is loaded with superior genetics. And you better believe that mama wants that quality stock.

“It might be that an older male has demonstrated the ability to outlive many of his competitors, perhaps indicating good genes that a female may wish to be passed on to her offspring,” the book posits.

“I’ve definitely had better orgasms with the guys with the beer bellies.”

Alana Evans

Which isn’t exactly an ironclad case that women gush over physically broken-down geezers. Even so, the media ran wild with Bribiescas’ measured glimmer of hope. The Telegraph ran an article titled, “Chubby Older Fathers Are More Attractive to Women and Live Longer, Scientists Say.” Other outlets quickly picked up the story and made it sound like all a guy had to do to attract ladies was let himself deteriorate to pudge. The stories gave hope to Mr. Average that he could finally cancel his gym membership, and start eating entire pizzas and chasing them down with cases of beer. After all, the reports suggested, Yale said chicks dig fat men. 

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