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March 2024

Featuring Roxy Shaw
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From Farm to Fap
Featured Article

From Farm to Fap

Food and sex are sometimes a tasty combination for couples, but some people include edible items in their solo sessions too. Beware, though; there are precautions to take when making love to a partner you picked up in the produce aisle.

For centuries, couples have been using food to enhance their sex lives. World renowned porking specialists would say that incorporating a little chocolate and fruit in the bedroom unlocks a sticky gateway to eroticism, titillating all five senses in ways destined to drive both the man and woman into the delectable heights of knee-buckling ecstasy. 

But anyone who has ever pounded it out for hours, humping through muscle cramps and dehydration, knows that having food in the bedroom is sometimes just about fitting in a little nourishment to keep the blood sugar from tanking. I mean, who among us hasn’t accidentally stuck his pecker in the pizza box during a position change? Look, if accidentally molesting a piece of pepperoni just so happens to be one of the unintended consequences of keeping one’s energy level up during those marathon porking parties, pass me a slice.  

Indeed, food and sex can be a beneficial combination for partnered porking, but sexual sustenance is also prized by those trying to bust a nut on their own. Yep, orgasms don’t always come in pears… and yet, some guys do. Throughout the years, men, in pursuit of new, exciting ways to masturbate that don’t involve using a crusty gym sock, have sometimes taken to the produce section in pursuit of sexual satisfaction. They’ve cut holes into an assortment of fruits, heated them up a smidge just to give it some life (hey, we’re not animals), and jumped onboard for what they claim is a berry good time. 

Photo by James Baes

“It doesn’t get much better than warm cantaloupes in the field during summer,” a melon-mauling man named Corey tells “I’m not kidding. We heard Bill Hicks talk about it on one of his records, and a farmer down the road had plenty of warm melons for us.”

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