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July 2024

Patriotism = Free Speech
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Image:  Igor Sarozhkov / Alamy Stock Vector

Feminist Men Get Laid More!

According to a recent survey, guys who believe in gender equality score more pussy than their patriarchal counterparts—so support the cause!

Utter the word “feminism” down at the neighborhood bar and grill in conservative America, and there could be trouble. It’s a term that invokes fear in petty men, presumably those convinced that the ethos behind it will inevitably lead to the uprising of the pussy, drive hard-working dudes out of the coal mines and force them to suck cock over at the truck stop to support their families. A lot of women also find feminism abhorrent, as they are secretly worried that supporting a system of bad bitches somehow means that they’ll have to start licking cooter.

These notions are largely misguided. Feminism is really just the belief that women deserve to be treated as equals, and if you are a man who subscribes to this progressive philosophy, prepare to get your nuts fucked off!  

A recent survey conducted in connection with Indiana University finds that men who identify as feminists have more sex than those who don’t. Researchers found that feminist males were, on average, giving and receiving more head than their Neanderthal counterparts, not to mention engaging more frequently in the sloppy throes of body-slapping passion. Bow-chicka-wow-wow. 

The other dudes—the Republican, anti-abortion, “You should smile more, honey” kind of guys— are presumably habitual masturbators getting their kicks from the lingerie section of the 1958 Sears catalog and still reminiscing about the one time back in high school when they got to finger-bang that drunk chick from homeroom after a football game.

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