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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Featured Article

Dealing With a Sexual Drought

Everyone experiences a dry spell once in a while, and it’s especially common around the holiday season. Experts explain how to endure the sexual desert with your sanity intact.

Winter is coming—well, good for her! For the rest of us, this means spending time with nearly forgotten family members who smell like a mothball fucked a block of cheese and everything else that makes this time of year the most excruciating, miserable kick in the saggy sack. 

To make matters much worse, the wintry season also brings the distinct possibility that you could soon experience the dreaded sexual drought. 

If you aren’t already having regular sex by now, chances are you will not be getting laid for the next month or two—maybe even longer, depending on the situation. People tend to hibernate after the holiday frenzy, especially in colder climates, and they don’t necessarily come out looking for love until the first sign of spring—you know, like the goddamn reindeer. “It never fails—if I don’t have a steady girlfriend on New Year’s, I ain’t getting any until April,” 37-year-old Brian from Ohio tells “No one’s horny in winter.”

According to Dr. Rachel Needle, licensed psychologist and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, Brian is onto something. “Less sunlight can impact our mood and our desire to branch out,” she tells us. “Some even experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) during this time of year, which results in mood changes and feeling down, which can impact sexual desire.”

“Sexual droughts are extremely common around the winter season, especially during the holidays, which are stressful just by themselves. It can start to feel overwhelming when there has been a lack of partnered sex for quite some time.”

Dr. Jordan Soper

Most of us can go thirsty in the diddle desert for a minute. Masturbation can temporarily satisfy our raging hormones. But over time, the lack of a bone-to-hole connection can have devastating effects on the human psyche. Not just in the winter, either. Sexual droughts can happen any time of year. So what are we to do—other than ourselves—to keep from going full-blown Jack Torrance before someone lets us see them naked again? 

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