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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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By the Hair on Your Chinny-Chin-Chin
Featured Article

By the Hair on Your Chinny-Chin-Chin

Is sporting a beard a drawback or an enhancer when it comes to going down on your lady? We dive into the bristly debate.

If sex was politics, there would no doubt be a sharp partisan divide between the masses over the issue of body hair. We’d have the Democoiffs out there preaching liberal policies over the societal fur—keep it long, short, whatever you want, it’s your body—while the Republicuts would be working to pass legislation mandating that every man and woman be clean-shaven, especially in those areas used in carnal affairs. 

It’s a subject of fierce debate, all this hair. Some men, for instance, enjoy a disheveled, mussy muff. Conversely, not a lot of women are keen on flossing with a man’s pubes after she gives him head. Where we the people stand on whiskers in this country is largely just a matter of, ahem, personal taste, but now that the hipsters have seemingly taken over America, beards aren’t just for the scallywags of society, and this trend is having an effect on the quality of the cunnilingus appreciated by women across this great, big, fucking land. On this topic, a spirited debate rages. Many gals argue that beards make oral sex more enjoyable, meanwhile the more delicate of the breed maintains malice for the mustache.

A beard once signified a rough-and-tough paragon of traditional masculinity, a man that’s not to be fucked with, and if you did, well, you would almost assuredly have your ass handed to you. It used to be that long, scraggly facial hair was the unkempt fashion of a manly man who either made his living off the land or, in the case of the outlaw, stealing from it. 

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