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March 2024

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Busting Open the Breast-Size Debate
Featured Article

Busting Open the Breast-Size Debate

Guys all around the world agree—breasts are the best! But contrary to popular misconception, they don’t all believe that bigger is better.

Ask any dude if he’s a boob man, and he’ll almost assuredly scream, “Hell yeah!” at the top of his lungs. Right before rubbernecking the perimeter to see if he can spot them, frothing at the mouth like a stray dog in heat. Men are, for a lack of a better word, obsessed with breasts, and this fixation is on a level incomparable to anything else they enjoy. Chicken wings, football, scratching their own asses—they all pale in comparison to a nice set of boobs. They are Numeral Uno…and deuce too. Boobs are arguably the first part of a woman’s body that men notice when she walks through the door—sorry ladies, but it’s true—and one of the first they’ll paw and squeeze once they finally get her naked.   

There’s one minor detail, however, that the Jug Jury disagrees about, at least in terms of personal preference, and that’s the perfect size of mama’s milkers. Some like their knockers big enough to risk bodily injury, others prefer them small and perky—just a mouthful is good—and some, well, they wouldn’t care if those bouncing bongos were sagging to her knees, they’re still going to play them. “All boobs matter,” Vinnie, a 38-year-old from Clifton Forge, Virginia, tells “My favorite ones are the ones I can touch.” All told, most men don’t play frontal favorites. They’re just happy to be vacationing in the Twin Titties.

That said, however, boob size does matter—just not in the way that most people might think it does, according to researchers at Prague’s Charles University. The geeks of peaks claim to have the answer for how big a woman’s chest needs to be to get men to come-a-running, and despite the adage “bigger is better,” it turns out that’s not the overwhelming preference at all. Guys would rather have their faces buried in between a pair of perkier punching bags over mammoth mammaries, the study finds. Think Natalie Portman over Annie Hawkins-Turner. These findings, which explored the titty proclivities of hundreds of men from various countries, reveal that breast size isn’t all that important to them. They certainly don’t care if they are huge. Men are largely of the opinion that any set of boobs is better than none. 

“We don’t discriminate,” says Rob from Philadelphia. “Now, please, take off your tops.”

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