Bits & Pieces

Articles with unfiltered opinions


Illustrated monthly funnies


Dirty jokes for your dirty mind


Unapologetic political satire

close slideout
Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
Magazine new arrow

July 2024

Patriotism = Free Speech
Join HUSTLER Magazine trial promo image

Intro Offer:
3 days for only $0.99!

Animal Attraction
Featured Article

Animal Attraction

Pet owners, rejoice! Research reveals that having a pooch or a kitty could help you get laid more. But beware; your furry companion could also be a total cock-blocker.

When trying to assess someone’s overall fuckability, humans typically go in as superficial as possible, perhaps imagining the person naked, twisted in all sorts of compromising positions, and making fuck faces all the livelong day. Regardless of the day’s fashions, we’re all just well-dressed animals looking to squash some tail, and first and foremost we’re going to judge by physical attractiveness.

But perhaps the last thing anyone would ever think would make someone more fuckable than appearance or personality is whether or not they have a litter box reeking up the house. Kinky is as kinky does, but if the latest research holds any stock, a heaping wad of cat shit might be all it takes to get some.

Researchers at the University of Turku in Finland recently concluded that cat owners might get laid more than other pet proprietors (or even those without pets). Rawr! No, not because of any latent bestiality, you chicken-fucking sickos! Cat owners are simply perceived as more attractive, healthier and in better shape, which arguably makes them more fuckable than those seemingly soulless members of society who choose to live out their existence taking their dogs out for a shit.

“It really depends on how well a man cares for his kitty that makes all the difference. If he treats it like a princess, I find that to be an attractive quality. But just having one doesn’t mean much.”


Some of the people we spoke to tend to agree.

To Access the Full Story

Unlock all articles, full galleries and digital magazines – 3 days for only $1.35.