Bits & Pieces

Articles with unfiltered opinions


Illustrated monthly funnies


Dirty jokes for your dirty mind


Unapologetic political satire

close slideout
Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
Magazine new arrow

May 2024

Featuring Tavia
Join HUSTLER Magazine trial promo image

Intro Offer:
3 days for only $0.99!

HUSTLER Beaver Crystal Jon


Crystal Jon

I feel like a nurse when I'm at my job. If someone needs to feel better, I have what it takes to make it happen.

About Crystal Jon

“I’m too naughty and adventurous to stay at a job where you must wear clothing and behave yourself,” reckons Crystal Jon, 35, from Winslow, Arizona. “I’ve had a bunch of them. I even worked on a farm one summer and was an assistant coordinator for a chamber of commerce. But I’ve never experienced such a sense of achievement as I do providing my services at Love Ranch North.” That’s one of Dennis Hof’s legal brothels in Nevada, and here’s what’s cookin’ when Crystal welcomes guests to her chamber of instant camaraderie: “My favorite way to please a guy is giving him a blowjob. I’m very good. I’ve been told I could win any contest I entered.”

We believe the 5-foot-2 fellatio whiz could hold her own in a Lauren Bacall look alike con test. Cast as sultry Marie “Slim” Browning in the 1944 classic To Have and Have Not, Bacall coos, “Just put your lips together and blow.” The legendary line was scripted as a whistling lesson for Humphrey Bogart’s character, but there’s been decades of debate: Did director Howard Hawks find a way to skirt the era’s strict censorship code? Was Slim subtly touting her oral prowess? Crystal, a fervent Seattle Seahawks fan whose fave flick is Thelma & Louise, abides by her own cinematic code of conduct: “It’s tough for a guy to watch a movie with me because I usually end up on my knees about ten minutes into it and riding his dick in about 20.”

Photos by John Cole


Find Crystal Jon In

Shop HUSTLER Hollywood

Shop All Sex Toys

More Beavers