December 2019

Featuring Scarlett Sage

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Where’s the Love? Dating in the Digital Age

DATING CAN BE A REAL CHORE THESE DAYS, WHAT WITH ALL THE SWIPING LEFT AND SWIPING RIGHT. WHAT SHOULD BE EXHILARATING AND FUN CAN SOMETIMES BECOME A STRESSFUL NIGHTMARE. CASE IN POINT, CHECK OUT THE FOLLOWING REAL-LIFE HORRIFIC ACCOUNTS OF 21ST CENTURY ROMANCE.


TEXTUAL RELATIONS

­How often do you text someone? Research suggests that the average American texts 32 times per day. If you pause to consider how many people never text, that means some of us are way, way above average. But when does texting cross the line? How many times could someone you went on one single date with text you before you felt like going into witness protection? If you just said 65,000 times, you are going to love this story.

Sixty-five thousand texts is what is known in scientific circles as a metric fuckton. It’s too much. A 31-year-old Arizona woman was accused of sending that many texts to a man she’d met on a dating site. They’d gone on one single date, and she decided she’d met her soulmate, because that’s how bugfuck crazy works. While meeting your soulmate online is adorable and all, it only works if the other person agrees and is not terrified of you. This guy was not feeling it.

His stalker was accused of sending him over 500 texts in a single day at one point, not to mention doing things like parking outside his house, showing up at his work and telling police officers that she was his wife. She also broke into his house to take a bath while he was out of the country, which was caught on a home security camera. Speaking of baths, one of her texts, which was submitted to police, read, “Oh what would I do w ur blood! … Id wanna bathe in it.” Haha, ain’t love nutty?

Cops picked the woman up, of course, because no matter what you think of America, bathing in blood is still frowned upon in most jurisdictions. When they asked her why she was stalking and threatening the man, she defended herself by saying that love “isn’t perfect.” That’s a no-shit moment and then some.

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