Sure, threeways sound like a great idea—until you find yourself feeling like a third wheel that’s being neglected by the couple you’re playing with. Here’s how to avoid this common threesome buzzkill.
There are undoubtedly loads of people out there right now trying to figure out how they can get into a threesome. There are likely just as many trying to figure out how one went wrong. Threesomes, while on the bucket list of most sexual liberals, are not the easiest affairs to navigate. They’re tricky, and often unpredictable.
Oh sure, everyone thinks they can handle themselves in a group sex situation. After all, they’ve seen enough horny triads in porn to know what they’re all about. But there are just too many unforeseen snags with the potential to make things go wrong. There’s embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy and even dismissiveness—and ouch, that last item is a big one. This is especially true when it comes to couples pursuing a third party with the intention of spicing up their romping repertoire. If a couple approaches a threesome as though it’s some sort of novelty rather than part of their progressive lifestyle, there is plenty of room for a slew of obstacles to cause problems—mostly for the third.
One of the biggest problems to arise when a couple organizes a threesome is that the third often ends up feeling left out—like they’re not part of the team. Rather than include the tertiary tush as if they were an equal body to the party, they’re treated with contempt, like they’re a second-class citizen, a mere sex toy, and the fact that they are a real person is negated. In situations like this, the couple is acting like threesome bullies, whether that’s the intention or not, basically using the third for the couple’s pleasure without any concern for their company. They’ve forgotten one of the golden rules of engaging in a threesome—that everyone needs to be on the same page. If they aren’t, the outcome is like three people being in a car about to careen off a cliff. Two have their hands on the wheel trying to drive, while the hitchhiker sits in the backseat grabbing the, “Oh, shit!” handle, helpless in the face of their ultimate demise.
Okay, maybe it’s not quite that dramatic, but if you happen to be the unattended third, it can seem pretty unpleasant. “They can get awkward,” Stefan, a 39-year-old from Bakersfield, California, says of poorly executed threesomes. “You don’t know whether to put your clothes back on and call an Uber or try to squeeze in and make another pass.”
