It happens to the best of guys: you’re with a new partner, or you haven’t had sex in awhile, or maybe you’re just really turned on, and the next thing you know, you’re … finished. Early ejaculation is incredibly common, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. (Side note: sex coaches call it “early ejaculation” rather than “premature ejaculation” because we favor descriptive terms over ones with a more judgmental tone.) The good news is that a variety of tips and techniques—and a healthy dose of re-framing—can make this concern a thing of the past.
Mindfulness practices are a good place to start. Make sure to take a breath as you prepare to combat early ejaculation—literally. Get in the habit of slowing down your breathing, even before the clothes come off. A pattern of inhaling for three seconds, holding for two, and then exhaling for four will calm your body and give you somewhere else to put your focus. You can do breathing exercises before or during sex, or even ask your partner to breathe with you—matching breaths and co-regulating your nervous system with someone else can lead to a more connected sexual experience for both of you. Visualization can help as well, but don’t feel compelled to conjure up something unsexy—you’re trying to slow down, not turn yourself off completely! Picturing a peaceful location or imagining light slowly filling your body are two good options that will also keep you in the moment.
Get in the habit of slowing down your breathing, even before the clothes come off. A pattern of inhaling for three seconds, holding for two, and then exhaling for four will calm your body and give you somewhere else to put your focus.