Listen up, guys; there’s a right way—and definitely a few wrong ways—to hit your partner up for sex.
When it comes to sex, men have a bad habit of ditching any semblance of civility and reverting straight back to a wild animalistic state. It’s a tradition as old as the cavemen, who thought foreplay meant clubbing their lady over the head and dragging her into their cave of love. Sure, we’ve retired the blunt-force trauma, but the feral attitude toward courtship largely remains. These days, the ritual might involve a husband dry-humping his wife while she’s bent over the dishwasher or randomly honking a boob in the middle of a Netflix binge. In his mind, these are crystal-clear sexual signals. In hers, they’re about as romantic as when he farts under the covers on taco night.
The problem is that a lot of men disregard the nuances of the sexual initiation ritual. They believe a little midday dry-hump over the kitchen sink and a bit of groping when she least expects it should suffice, but it isn’t exactly the stuff that romance novels are made of. This can be particularly problematic in established relationships, where decorum fades with time and familiarity. As far as some guys are concerned, they’ve already conquered that cooter, so now it’s time to be their authentic selves—sloppy, inconsiderate and otherwise ghastly.
“My husband pokes me in the back with his erection and likes to let me know how long it’s been since we’ve had sex. It’s gross.”