It’s an age-old debate—how long should you wait before you poop in the proximity of a new partner? Join us as we explore this crappy dilemma.
Every new relationship has that one gut-wrenching moment—quite literally—when a disturbing sensation rises like a demonic howl from the depths of hell. Oh, sure, you can try to suppress it, but the rumblings can’t be dismissed for long. Soon, the chamber is loaded, and there’s a voice inside your head yelling, Get out of there, you dumb bastard, you’re about to have a brownout! Turns out that those ominous reverberations weren’t existential—they were intestinal. The poor guy must then decide whether to vacate his bowels at his partner’s place or make a desperate escape, praying he can stave off the blast until he reaches the sanctuary of home. It’s a shitty situation, for sure.
The first time having to defile your partner’s bathroom is a high-stakes moment, a true test of intestinal fortitude. Not everyone’s ready to take their relationship to that level of intimacy right out of the gate. Eating ass is one thing, but spraying from it? No way! Many simply aren’t equipped to make a “number two” anywhere besides their home throne, so the mere thought of using their partner’s crapper, where their new love interest might hear a noisome fart or a telltale splash, is enough to cause most private poopers to black out and bust their noggin on the sink. And that’s to say nothing of the noxious odor that a five-star dump can usher forth.
“If they can’t handle my bodily functions, we’re not going to last.”
