Navigating a friends-with-benefits relationship can be tricky, but play your cards right and you could find yourself balls-deep in commitment-free fucking.
Listen closely to what’s going on outside at this very moment and you will hear something absolutely, positively horrifying. No, it’s not the latest rights-eroding decision being handed down by the Supreme Court, even though that’s certainly frightening enough. It’s the sound of summer officially coming to an end. We know, we know–boo, hiss! Soon, there’ll be no more playing grab-ass down at the pool with little Miss Maven and her magnificent muff. No more drunken backyard barbecues full of random hotties out to make questionable decisions. By mid-September, most of the porking population will be set to go into hibernation mode and if you, yes you, don’t already have a romantic interest hanging off your arm by the time they cover up the boats… well, we hate to break it to you, but chances are you are about to enter the legion of the unlaid.
This can be a dark place for some.
Anyone who has ever spent the winter alone in a pair of sweatpants, eating potato chip crumbs out of their belly button while binge watching The X-Files, understands that being single during the seasonal freeze is no way to live. On the flipside, getting into a serious relationship this close to the holidays is suicide–a hell that no individual with a lick of sense would dare enter without a prescription for lorazepam. Nobody in their right mind would ever welcome the extreme stress of meeting their new partner’s entire family for the first time when everyone’s busy giving thanks and praising Jesus. Toss in the fact that the holidays are an expensive time to get a new boo (that first year is a killer, too; you had better get them something good) and, fair warning, you’ll be washing down handfuls of anti-anxiety pills with Jack Daniel’s by Christmas morning.
