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December 2024

Featuring Ellie Nova
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Featured Article

Eject, or Ejaculate?

Ever see a bad date through to the bitter end just because you hoped there might be sex afterward? Of course you have! We explore the tricky question of when to hang tough, and when to say enough is enough.

It was a long, loveless marriage, one that eventually ended in the kind of pain that one might experience after receiving a vasectomy from a meth-mouth vagrant wielding a shard of glass from a bottle of Colt 45. But hey, aside from that gnarly infection of the soul that left you oozing pus from the heart, you can look back and laugh. On the bright side, you’re single and ready to mingle. That should be fun, right? 

Well, not so fast, maverick. 

While getting back out there might sound like an opportunity to meet new, exciting people, perhaps opening the door to love once again, the truth is the dating scene isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. You might get more satisfaction from having your prostate yanked out and beaten with a hammer than you might experience connecting with perfect strangers for dinner and drinks. 

“Dating is rough,” recently divorced Nicholas, a 44-year-old mechanic from Highlands Ranch, Colorado, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “It’s hard to find someone who checks all the boxes at my age. Everyone’s got baggage. I’ve had some good ones, but the bad ones were real doozies.”

Yep, nine times out of ten, a date is going to be one of those insufferable experiences that makes a person want to gouge out their eyes with the salad fork before the entree arrives. No, we’re not being overly dramatic. Dating blows chunks, and the more it’s done, the worse it tends to get. It’s too bad we’re not smart enough to see which ones are on course to crash and burn.

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