The freezin’ season is upon us, and with temperatures dropping, chances are good that you’re experiencing an embarrassing cold front in your pants. Here are some tips for dealing with the dreaded withered winter wang.
It’s getting colder than a witch’s tit out there in many parts of the country, as summer has officially fucked off elsewhere, allowing the dreaded winter months to wreak havoc on the sanity of those who can’t afford to pack up their shit and move to Costa Rica. But worse than the psychological undoing of living in frigid conditions is the promise that Jack Frost is going to come nipping at our num-nums, which could have a devastating effect on our sex lives.
Man-meat doesn’t thrive in icy conditions—every dude knows that much is true, no matter what he’s packing. As soon as the temperature dips below 60 degrees, dicks retract in horror, causing them, in some cases, to lose up to 50% of their size. For those dudes who can’t afford to give up so much as a centimeter, let’s just say that winter isn’t exactly the best time to be showing their lady friend what they look like with their pants off. Making matters worse is the fact that most girls are not privy to the schizophrenic nature of our naughty bits, so walking in with a terse tallywhacker could leave them feeling short-changed.
“Mine sucks up inside me. Not just in the cold weather either, but in the shower, even a hot one. Doesn’t matter.”
