With the country going ape over political differences and culture wars, perhaps we should look to the horny ways of the bonobo monkey as a potential path toward national unity.
Look out the window and try to resist the urge to jump. America is ablaze—perhaps the fiercest inferno anyone in this country has witnessed since the ink dried on the Constitution. Political division is seething, economic instability looms and a recession is threatening to terrorize us just five years after a pandemic-induced collapse left hard-working citizens bent over like fresh meat in prison. Meanwhile, culture has been muddled to the point of being unrecognizable—the melting pot is melting down—and it’s hard to shake the feeling that we’re hurtling toward a full-blown dystopia. In times like these, I’ve got to tell you, it’s almost comforting to remember that scientists predict a civilization-crushing asteroid could swoop down here and end it all by 2032. Frankly, we’ve earned it.
This civil unrest has divided the nation and turned its citizens against each other. Lines have been drawn, sides have been chosen—right or left, right or wrong—and the already-thin veneer of civility has crumbled under the weight of name-calling and violence. The idea of unity has been twisted into an all-out, no-holds-barred, bare-knuckle brawl, a battle royale where the only rule is destruction. When they said, “We’re all in this together,” it wasn’t supposed to mean a cage match to the death. It was a reminder that we’re all human, enduring the same adversity and ridiculously overinflated egg prices—so why does it feel like we’d rather tear each other limb from limb than get naked and screw toward a better tomorrow?
Oh, do we have your attention now?
That’s right—instead of all the fighting among each other, we could be boning for peace. While it might sound over-simplified to suggest that bridging the brutal divides in the United States could just be a matter of screwing, nature doesn’t think it’s too off-kilter. The proponents of Christian Nationalism might want the population to think that sex is only for procreation and serves no purpose outside of bringing snot-nosed kids into the world, but the bonobo monkey begs to differ.
