Feel like your sex drive has been stuck in neutral lately? Fear not, we have some crucial advice on how to get back on the road to sexual vitality.
There are a plethora of reasons why your sex drive might be stuck in neutral. Maybe you’ve been with your partner for so long that sex feels like an afterthought, or perhaps the single life has you feeling discouraged and undesirable. It could be you’re extraordinarily busy, or bored or under a lot of stress. Maybe age, medication or hormones are the culprit. Regardless of the cause, you’ve had enough. You want to get your groove back, you just don’t know where to start. But worry not: there are a number of ways to increase your libido and get back into the sexual swing of things.
Reconnecting with your body is an excellent place to start. The ability to stand naked in front of the mirror and sing your body’s praises is amazing if that’s accessible to you, but it’s absolutely not a requirement. Connecting with your body can mean replacing one of your weekly showers with a warm luxurious bath, or turning maintenance masturbation into something slower and more intentional. Think about the different ways you touch yourself and receive touch from others. While some of these ways might be sexual, they don’t have to be. Allowing yourself to feel pampered by way of a massage, a pedicure or a spa trip can be a tactile reminder that your body is worthy of celebration. The same is true of a soak in a hot tub, a turn with a tingly scalp massager or a self-administered hug as you fall asleep. Even hydrating, exercising and eating mindfully can contribute to those good body feelings that make sex seem more enticing.
Get curious about what turns you on. You probably know your favorite porn clips by heart, but can you expand your repertoire to include written erotica, sexy audio stories, autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) or softcore scenes? If the softer side of things is well-worn territory for you, can you seek out bondage, discipline, group sex or edge play videos? I often recommend “yes/no/maybe” lists to my couple clients to help them figure out what sex or kink activities they might want to try together, but this can just as easily be a solo endeavor, with the goal of broadening your sexual imagination. A rich fantasy life can provide a much-needed jolt to your libido, so treat this fact-finding mission as a step in the right direction.
