Young & Glamorous 9

The word glamorous can mean different things to different people. The definition doesn’t usually extend to “stuffing a chick’s dung-dropper with enough meat to feed a small village for a month,” but Young & Glamorous 9 stretches the meaning of the word along with its starlets’ colons. Exhibit A: Angel Smalls, a strawberry blonde with alabaster skin and tits like the muffins you buy at a discount bakery. What Smalls lacks up top, however, she makes up for in carnal spirit and anal capacity. The girl’s roughed up by a couple of goons, with not a single lick applied to her pussy before it’s depth-charged with cock. A stocking is stretched over her head, making her look like a cross between a bank robber and an off-brand superhero. Smalls is tossed around like a teddy bear before she’s subjected to a double-anal, and not a casual one either; by scene’s end her asshole resembles a pulsating portal to another dimension. Elsewhere, Harley Jade is anally assailed by a stick-thin hillbilly who sports muttonchop sideburns, a tree branch sprouting from his groin and the lazy drawl of Wilford Brimley on a cough-syrup bender. The Appalachian ass-marauder oils up Jade’s glutes and renders them crimson with a series of hearty slaps before drilling for fortune between them dirty hills. Bust out the moonshine, because the party’s on; Young & Glamorous 9 leaves poopers packed and viewers’ ball sacs empty. —P.D.R.