July 2020

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This Ain’t Star Trek XXX 3D

DILLION HARPER
Star Trek fans are all virgins, of course. What would you do to make their fantasy come true?
I’d dress up and act out his favorite part in the series. Then I would just be myself and…you know!

Would you have sex with an alien?
Yeah, something new! Why not? All aliens are pretty sexy!

Really? You’d have sex with E.T.?
He’s adorable!

He does have that one really long finger, so…
Long finger huh? You know, that might hit the G spot!

What about Star Trek captains? Kirk or Picard?
Captain Kirk…from today!

Chris Pine?
I think that’s the one I saw. Yeah, probably that guy.

What’s a porn parody that you would know more about?
I was really into Harry Potter. Or Lord of the Rings! Lord of the Rings would be fucking awesome! The warrior chick would be cool to play.

Which character would you have sex with?
Frodo!

PENNY PAX
Any sexual fantasies tied to Star Trek?
Not really, although the scene I’m in is with Spock, which is kind of freaky.

Would you want to have sex with the real Spock?
I don’t even know what he looks like.

He basically looks like the dude you are having sex with.
If you put anybody in a black wig and pointy ears, they’d probably look similar.

What about a young Leonard Nimoy?
The original guy? No, I wasn’t really attracted to his face.

Is this your first time having sex with a non-human character?
I think so. I did a scene with Captain America, and I’ve done a scene with The Joker, but this is the first non-human.

Would you have sex with an alien in real life?
It depends. He would have to be tested of course and attractive. The Avatar ones aren’t too bad-looking. Probably really big penises.

Who’s a sexy alien?
Marvin the Martian is pretty cute!

The Bugs Bunny character? What would you do with him?
Anything he wants! I’m a pleaser!

He looks like a freak.
You know he is! He’s gotta be a freak; he’s wearing, like, armor!

What would you do to blow the mind of a Star Trek fan? Remember, he’s most likely a virgin.
Anal! I don’t know if virgins are really into that, but it’s kind of freaky, kind of fun.

Are you worried that Spock might do the Vulcan neck pinch on your vagina or butthole?
That has to happen!

EVAN STONE
Are you a Trekkie? 
Big fan of the stuff! As a kid I would sneak upstairs with a little television set and watch the show. I always thought Shatner was the best. When we started doing parodies, Axel Braun comes up to me and says, “I want to do Star Trek!”

I was like, “Nah, don’t want to do it.” Because people will look at that and say, “That’s not Star Trek; that sucks!” And there is no scale for sucking. I told him, “I’m just going to do Star Trek. I’m not going to do a parody where Spock is called ‘Cock’; it’s just not going to happen.” But they weren’t trying to do a joke parody; they were trying to do Star Trek.

How do you like fucking in 3D? 
It’s good because I charge three times as much! But 3D is limited in the dynamics you can do because you can’t really move the camera. There’s no such thing as a handheld 3D camera yet. You can’t cross the minimum focal distance; otherwise you lose the 3D. But you can play in it. Like I did with Dillion, when I took her pants off. I was whispering in her ear, “Stick your leg out straight toward the camera.” Then I pulled the panties off and threw them towards the camera. But if you do too much of that, it gets corny.

Is there a Star Trek character you want to have parody sex with?
I wanted the green girl. I’m not sure who got the green girl; I knew we had her on set. I thought that would be cool because Kirk was really enthralled with her.

The real Kirk had sex with her, but you didn’t? 
I was going to burn the studio down, but they got me drunk, and I forgot all about it.

 

DILLION HARPER Star Trek fans are all virgins, of course. What would you do to make their fantasy come true? I’d dress up and act out his favorite part in the series. Then I would just be myself and…you know! Would you have sex with an alien? Yeah, something new! Why not? All aliens...
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Dillion Harper