The Real Teen Jack Off

Here’s a shocker: Smut slingers like to play fast and loose with words like real teen. Where’s the government when you need it? What matters, of course, is how “fast and loose” the so-called teens play in this cinematic cum bath. The whole lineup is delicious, but our pick for tastiest teen is choco-cutie Leilani Leeane, who bookends the bangfest with a great anal warmup for the opener and a full-blown double penetration on the back end.

For strokers who prefer the white filling in their porno-Oreo, there’s plenty to feast on, most lusciously the girl-girl love between Layden and Alyssa. This flick would be better without the sleazy voice of the camera creep sucking out the charm half the time, but apparently everybody was too busy sharing vaginas to care. Did we expect high art from a movie called The Real Teen Jack Off? Yes. Yes, we did. But you won’t. Long live the eternal teen!