Hard and Fast

Believe it or not, the world’s top motorcycle makers got together years ago and agreed to limit top speeds to 300 kilometers an hour. That’s only 186 mph! The Italians at MV Agusta, of course, said fuck that shit and built a bike that tops out at 312. Now that’s how you cheat death! But anyway, this is a movie review, not a frickin’ Wikipedia page, so let’s get to the cheesy stuff, like: We lined up a bunch of hot biker babes who crave maximum horsepower between their legs. The fun starts at a slow rumble, with a lesbo duo that’s mostly remarkable for retro-chick Raven Rockette’s bushy muff. Remember the tastiness of a good slice of homemade hair pie? After some dildo diddling, standard blonde Sienna Day gets dicked before we finally make it out to the desert, where the phenomenal Phoenix Marie takes it hard and a little faster. For the home stretch director Derrick Pierce steps in to personally fuck box-covergirl Cameron Dee. She’s worth getting hard over, but we gotta ask: Does an average of 100 thrusts per minute qualify as fast? Did the world’s porn studs get together and agree to a maximum thrust speed? Take this as a challenge: Get a hooker, put this movie on and pound her like the Italians would. To order Hard and Fast, call 800-763-8271 ext. 7675 or visit HustlerStore.com.