Grindhouse XXX

This sleazy and surprisingly well-made homage to classic sticky-floor flicks is way more grindhouse than anything Hollywood poseur Quentin Tarantino could pull off because—hello!—that’s what porn is! The two-disc double feature kicks off with a hilarious psycho-bunny trailer before plunging into a delicious shower scene with Teagan Presley and Nina Mercedez that would be great on an old, stained movie screen, even if you were surrounded by strokers in raincoats. Teagan’s “Student Assassin” offers plenty of prime beat-off opportunites, and our heroine whacks her enemies like she’s been playing with knives and guns her whole life. Rose McGowan eat your heart out! The second feature, “Massacre at Pine Lake,” is even better at being bad, with Andy San Dimas looking more fuckable than ever and Alexis Ford embodying the perfect slutty camp counselor who has to fight a psycho killer and pound a lot of dick at the same time. Now that’s grindhouse! We’re giving this flick our Travis Bickle Award for most tasteless date movie. (You better get her drunk first.)