Black Scary Movie

This movie ain’t all that scary, but at least it’s not a fail in the black department. Basically, five of porn’s hottest caramel candies end up at a sleazy motel, fucking to stave off the boredom until some crazy white dude finally shows up with a knife. Yes, the acting is lame, the filmmaking is halfhearted and the characters are bitchy, but put a black girl in the mood and she will fuck the ugly out of Freddy Krueger. Rihanna Rimes kicks off the action with some wall-shaking howls, Bella Moretti gets rattled hard enough to make her blond wig almost fall off, Skin Diamond seems to get prettier with every dick she sucks (must be the protein), and Jade Nacole is like the Craigslist chick you wished would show up at your door instead of…well, never mind. As for party-babe Misty Stone, not only can she outact everyone else after God knows how many doobies, she’s still one of the most fuckable things this side of Hell. It sounds like overload, but just keep telling yourself: It’s only a porn movie.