Big Wet Breasts
Gee, wonder what this movie’s about. You got to love something that delivers exactly what it promises. You assholes in Washington hear that? The first thing you got to do in an honest picture like this—once you get the titular Big Breasts onboard, of course—is to get those knockers wet. Five words: big bottles of baby oil! Alexis Ford’s plumper-than-ever plums get squirted and slicked up, then slathered with cum. You wanted big wet breasts, you got ’em! Italian jawdropper Valentina Nappi—whose last name is a play on her Neapolitan origins—follows up by getting her shitpipe as generously lubed as her titties and taking the kind of divine assfucking that inspired Dante. Curvaceous Summer Brielle storms into the movie like some kind of ultra-MILF trophy wife. You’ll be whacking it with one hand and trying to give her your credit cards with the other, but that’s why they call it the money shot! Alison Tyler and Nikita Von James put in good, sloppy moan parties too, with Nikita’s shimmering killer balloon tits the most mesmerizing pair of anything since those hot Siamese twins did that sex tape. (Or did we just dream that?) Anyway, props to ace director William H. He still shoots some of the best-looking smut out there.