Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
As far as sexual tropes go, farm girls haven’t been terribly refreshing since The Beverly Hillbillies premiered in 1962—Elly May Clampett stepped onto the small screen with her bra-busting rack and skintight jeans, and gushers of bubblin’ crude exploded in viewers’ laps. But then porn has never met a cliché it didn’t want to hump into the ground, so here we are with Axel Braun’s Farmer Girls, an erotic paean to salt-of-the-earth-type women. At least as they can be envisioned in 2015, when even a girl from the smallest of towns seems to be born with a tramp stamp and a nipple piercing. The video starts off with a scene featuring Riley Steele and Katrina Jade. Between Steele’s bolt-on tits and Jade’s spider web face tattoo, the pastoral sapphic commingling challenges veracity. But if you’re looking for realism on the rural sex front, try jacking off to the thought of Mama June from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. As it is, this scene—which smartly parodies Carl’s Jr.’s “controversial” ads— will work up an appetite. Valentina Nappi’s Italian accent further strains the credulity of this endeavor, but at least her luscious melons and thick-thatched slit will also strain viewers’ pants. Axel Braun’s Farmer Girls will keep you down on the farm long enough to unzip and unload, but as with GMO-enhanced crops, you’re wise to wonder if you’re getting the real deal.
—Pico D. Ribibi
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