50 Shades of Grey: An XXX Adaptation

“I don’t make love. I fuck…hard.” Those are the words of 50 Shades of Fucked Up Christian Grey. Addicts of the book trilogy will be pleased to know that illustrious smut director Jim Powers’s take on the “mom porn” megaseller stays true to the story and all its kinky fuckery. Once again, hardcore beats Hollywood to the punch! Virginal Anastasia Steele, played by the doe-eyed Allie Haze (trust us, she’s anything but innocent), should get your blood pumping to the right place—and give you “twitchy palms.” The disobedient sub gets deservedly tied up, flogged and spanked in all her suspended, lip-biting, bushy glory. It’s your greatest dream realized. That is, if your greatest dream involves whips, handcuffs and a Red Room of Pain. Blond suckdoll Alexis Ford, as smart-mouthed Kate Kavanagh, deep-throats as if there’s a prize in it. Gentlemen, take note. This is how you shut a bitch up: Stuff that hole in her face. But it’s the seasoned Julia Ann who schools us on how a true domme gets shit done. As the predatory Mrs. Robinson, the melon-chested MILF sets teenage Christian on his future course by ramming her cunt into his fully leathered face. Since his hands are chained behind him on a spreader bar, he’s got no choice but to dive in. Yes, the mask is disturbing. But damn, is it hot. BDSM naysayers will be converted. If you can get past the soapy music, sugary I love yous and lack of anal punishment (we said it’s just like the book), this flick will have you Fifty Shades Freed.