10 Americans Who Should Be Locked Up

For every scumbag doing time, there’s a bunch more still at large. Here’s a roundup of rogues still making a mockery of our justice system.

Ben Roethlisberger
The Pittsburgh Steelers’ Super Bowl-winning quarterback has beaten the rap on rape charges on two occasions. Back in 2010, Big Ben frequented nightclubs to get coeds a decade younger than him drunk as shit and schlep them into the nearest restroom for a romantic two to three minutes against a stall wall. When women started pressing charges, the NFL came down on Roethlisberger like a velvet hammer and suspended him for six games. Ben publicly apologized, had his attorneys write some big checks to soothe the bruised feelings and vaginas, got married and kept on playing football. All’s well that ends well except for one tiny detail: The sonofabitch bought his way out of sexual-assault charges.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio
The 81-year-old from Maricopa County, Arizona—who brands himself “America’s toughest sheriff”—is actually our worst: a racist, sadistic power freak with no respect for the law. Sheriff Joe outfits county-jail inmates in pink underwear for his amusement and keeps about 2,000 prisoners in a makeshift “Tent City” in the Sonoran Desert, where temperatures soar past 115 degrees. He’s a big fan of his state’s harassment of undocumented immigrants and has blown loads of taxpayer dollars investigating Obama’s birth certificate. Joe has so far skated on federal charges of abuse of power, misuse of county credit cards and jail-enhancement funds. His days of freedom are numbered.

Koch Brothers
You may think they’re two people, but the brothers Koch sure act like one single-minded organism of evil. This two-headed, rightwing creature has poured hundreds of millions of dollars into political candidates and social movements that benefit its vast pollutant-producing oil-and-gas holdings—primarily to boost the “global warming is a hoax” hoax. The Koch mutant wants to make obscene amounts of money while it takes no responsibility for the variety of carcinogenic poisons its empire spews. If this were a late-night fright flick, the Koch Horror would be fried with flamethrowers. But seeing how it exists for real, the least the judicial system can do is figure out a way to put it in jail.