Looking to get off and vomit simultaneously? XHamster has procured porn featuring Ted Cruz doppelganger Searcy Hayes, a 21-year-old from Natchez, Mississippi, discovered on the Maury Show. “She’s no stranger to heartache and pain,” talk show host Maury Povich explained by way of introducing the woman who’d had five miscarriages with fiancé Freddie Green before finally giving birth to a healthy baby boy. Classy pappy Green responded by denying paternity and dumping Hayes. But none of that was as compelling to viewers as Hayes’ startling resemblance to a certain Canadian-born, Cuban-American asshole. During the broadcast, people posted screen shots and incredulity on social media: “Why this looks like Ted Cruz in drag.” “I don’t get the trans hate from Ted Cruz. We all saw him cross-dressin’ on the Maury Povich Show!” Within days the separated-at-birth Hayes and Cruz meme became enough of a sensation that porn site XHamster reached out with a $10,000 offer.
In response, ever-romantic Green (no relation to jazz guitarist Freddie Green, unfortunately) owned up to his DNA-proven paternity, reproposed to Hayes, started googling how to make porn with an iPhone and announced his spending plans: “We want to buy a truck, pay off our house, and we might get married,” Green told the Huffington Post. “It’s kind of exciting and shocking to know she’s famous—she’s more famous than Madonna!” In short order, the six-minute amateur porn movie had been shot, delivered and uploaded to XHamster. Is the action stimulating? Publicist Mike Kulich declined to comment, but did say he was surprised and impressed by the quality of the footage. “It’s amateur, but very well shot,” he said. Meanwhile, sitting in her backyard in Natchez, Searcy, who’d never even heard of Cruz before the viral meme, told a Daily Mail reporter, “I’m still shocked and amazed about it, but you know, God does what he wants to do.”
