Somewhere, An Egret Cried
Pointing a gun at a Federal officer is a crime, but for almost a month, the government response to the antigovernment protest at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon was restrained, at least IRL. Sexual tensions at #BundyEroticFanFic, however, ignited immediately. Ryan and Ammon Bundy, the two brothers at the center of the group of protestors, have inspired their own category of erotic fan fiction (their bend toward beards, cowboy boots and camouflage, along with their impassioned rhetoric about the U.S. Constitution, was too much for budding purple prose writers to resist, apparently). “Can’t wait to see all the erotic fanfic inspired by the #BundyMilitia #MalheurWildlifeRefuge occupation,” tweeted Portland resident and singer for the Decemberists Colin Meloy, who wasted no time getting things rolling: “They huddled together for warmth. The cold of Ammon’s Ruger 22 against Brian’s naked thigh sent a thrill up his spine.” “Jason pressed Jed against a rack of ‘Birds of Oregon’ books; his breath was sweet with jerky. Somewhere, an egret cried.”
“Ammon’s and Jed’s passion smoldered, like 50,000 acres of illegally backburned Federal grazing land,” @MichaelJCurtiss wrote. @MaxReddick offered, “‘But they’ll hear us,’ Ammon whispered breathlessly. ‘No, they will not,’ Jason replied, ‘I’m using a silencer.’” “‘Did you bring condoms?’ Jed whispered. ‘Not to worry, we’re protected by the 1st and 2nd Amendment,’ Ammon replied,” continued @JulianChristo. Hopefully readers enjoy a sexier ending than #RubyRidge, #WoundedKnee or #Waco.