Platinum Pussy 3

Fun facts about platinum: It’s among the most precious of metals; it’s known for its malleability; and it’s resistant to corrosion and tarnish. Platinum Pussy 3 replicates these qualities to varying degrees of success. The first specimen, Ivy Lebelle, suffers a devaluation due to garish tattoos and a physique that suggests an allergy to treadmills. The heavy-hipped coppertop writhes for a bit during a “sexy” dance that brings to mind a bowl of tapioca in an earthquake. Lebelle’s belly rolls will likely send viewers rushing for the fast-forward button, but dusky-skinned director/woodsman Prince Yahshua doesn’t seem to mind. Tight-bodied dirty blonde Jaye Summers puts things back on track. She looks like she should be a midmarket weather girl or model for the young-adults section of JCPenney rather than choking on Nubian blood-bone for the camera, but there she is, shaking her drum-tight booty like there’s no tomorrow. Yahshua lays some sweet talk on Summers, instructing her to “Get that dick!” and “Lay down next to daddy” as his plus-size pussy plunger batters her sugar walls. Unfortunately, then it’s back to the Lane Bryant spectrum of female talent with Gabriella Paltrova. Brunette Karlee Grey ups the quality factor, but she might be a day late and a buck short of saving Platinum Pussy from the discount bin. —P.D.R.