My First Anal

The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, but the way to a woman’s brain is apparently through her asshole. At least that seems to be the lesson gleaned from the first scene of My First Anal, which bears the subtitle “Bat Shit Crazy” and features Victoria Steffanie as a feisty, melodrama-addicted blonde who clings to anger like a life preserver and sidesteps reason like it’s a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk. Steffanie is hot enough—think former WWE vixen Stacy Keibler in her prime—but as she argues with her beau, you glimpse the ugly brain behind that pretty face. Her man eventually finds a tortuous path to Steffanie’s mind via the twists of her large intestine, offering to let her stay at his place in exchange for a ride in her cherry-condition rump. After a perfunctory bout of pussy-pounding, Steffanie’s man parks his beef bus in crap hatch junction and pounds away like he’s drilling for oil. At scene’s end, his cock glazes Steffanie’s comely mug with sac slop—almost like an exorcist sprinkling holy water to drive away demonic possession. A subsequent scene features doll-faced, auburn-haired temptress Jojo Kiss receiving tax advice from a friend of her recently deceased father. He runs her numbers before nailing her colon harder than the IRS nailed Al Capone, as Kiss tenderizes the clean-shaven flesh pocket between her legs with her fingers. My First Anal finds a back door path to the viewer’s satisfaction. Order today by calling 800-763-8271 ext. 7675 or visiting HustlerStore.com. —Pico D. Ribibi