Manuel Is a MILFomaniac 9

Got an Oedipussy complex? Manuel Is a MILFomaniac 9 might seem like your jam, but take note—it’s a motherfucker in more ways than one, and the mommies that titular swordsman Manuel Ferrara plows through here aren’t especially dear. Karma Rx, a blonde with big, questionable tits and enough tattoos to make a carny blush, parts her bulbous ass cheeks, revealing a turd-cutter that undulates like a whale’s blowhole preparing to erupt. To Ferrara’s credit, he puts in a yeomanly effort, breaking in Rx’s asshole like a baseball glove. Still, watching Manuel tenderize her shitpit with his meat mallet, one gets the feeling that he’d fuck a rotten cantaloupe in the supermarket produce section if it meant a director’s credit. Casca Akashova doesn’t significantly improve matters; with her hyperinflated dairy domes, industrial-grade trout pout and cantilevered cheekbones, she looks like she was hastily assembled out of spare parts at the RealDoll factory. Things start to look up with Mona Wales, who’s cute in the face and boasts modest God-given curves. Alas, things take a sharp turn back into WTF Valley with poor Lauren Pixie, who, while pretty enough, sports dark, jarring discoloration on the undersides of her tatas. Bruising from too-recent breast surgery? Astonishingly ill-conceived tattoo work? Who knows? Unfortunately, Manuel Is a MILFomaniac 9 will leave a lot of jerk-offs scratching their heads instead of fiddling with their crotch knobs. —P.D.R.