Lesbian Anal Gapes
Need further proof that women really only open up when they’re alone with other women? Try Lesbian Anal Gapes on for size. Before the action even begins, the video half-warns, half-promises, “Sexual activities depicted in this video/DVD may be medically harmful. In addition, they are NOT necessarily healthy, safe or suggested.” That auspicious beginning is mostly lived up to in the first scene, featuring Kristen Scott and Eliza Jane, who demonstrate a tutorial in Gaping 101 via a fire hydrant-proportioned butt plug lodged in Jane’s pert pooper. Scott, meanwhile, stabs herself in the ass with a giant pink dildo, like an anal version of seppuku. In short order, their shit chutes expand and pulse like inter-dimensional portals from a Guillermo del Toro film. When their porn careers wind down, these ladies could easily find lucrative futures as drug mules. Copper-topped Alex Harper and brunette Casey Calvert follow up in a scene that finds Harper’s sphincters pierced with a see-through probe. Then an ass plug the size and shape of a lava lamp finds its way into both Harper and Calvert, to questionably hygienic but unquestionably erotic effect. To paraphrase the Joker from Batman, “Where do they get those wonderful toys?” A further coupling finds a prong roughly the girth of a baseball bat embedded in Rebel Lynn’s rosebud, courtesy of Holly Hendrix’s heroic thrusts. The viewer’s own browneye might wince in sympathy at times, but overall Lesbian Anal Gapes yields a buttload of entertainment. —P.D.R.