First Timers

It’s unclear what the stars’ maiden experience in First Timers is supposed to be. Sex? Not on your grandma’s liver-spotted taint. Porn? Unlikely—even with each other. But setting aside the niggling concerns of titular logic, there are some thrills to be had here. Such as pale-skinned, copper-topped trollop Violet Monroe, who sports an expansive patch of pubes that spreads above her pussy like a condor’s wings. Monroe jerks the two dicks presented to her like a retiree working the slot machines in Atlantic City before she’s cracked open like a wishbone for a double-stuffing. Bouncy-butted, nubile Norah Nova deserves special props—is there a less erotic name than Norah, aside from possibly Mildred or Agnes? Nonetheless, Nova overcomes the hurdle of dick-deflating nomenclature one thirsty gulp of her partner’s prong at a time. The girl gets folded up like origami as she’s put through the sexual wringer. Wide-eyed brunette Christiana Cinn is a bit thick-wasted, but with luscious tits like rolling hills, she makes up for it. The dude she’s matched up with has a wrinkled ball sac that looks like a roasted marshmallow, but that’s of little consequence. Watching Cinn’s firm glutes bounce atop his prong is ample compensation, and Cinn works like a dog with a steak just out of reach to coax a milky load from her assigned pecker. Initial reservations aside, First Timers is worth a second look. To order, call 800-763-8271 ext. 7675 or visit HustlerStore.com. —Pico D. Ribibi