Dallas XXX: A Parody

Spoiler alert: If you don’t want to know who fucked J.R., stop reading. This spoof plays fast and loose with the Dallas legend, kicking off at the moment when Bobby (James Deen) comes back to life and drills Pam (India Summer) like an oil derrick. India’s no Victoria Principal, but until they release Victoria’s lost fuck scenes, she’ll have to do. (That was a joke; stop dreaming.) The TV show was mostly power psychos measuring their dicks and lying to each other. That’s no stretch for a porno, and this one manages to be fairly funny with plenty of silly dialogue, bad wigs and mangled twangs. Blond shitkicker Alexis Ford as Lucy almost starts a barn fire with a good hay-bale boning—and even catches the cumshot with her dogs for all you foot freaks out there. Alexis steals the show, but Bobbi Starr—who does the movie’s best Texas drawl—shines too as luscious lush Sue Ellen. She’ll fuck a stranger at the drop of a ten-gallon hat and even sports an ’80s-accurate bush. Brooklyn Lee as Kristin caps J.R.’s gusher with a finale fuck before the cliffhanger ending wraps thing up with a bang. By the way, turn to page 28 to check out our intimate profile of power-hungry Brooklyn.