Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Hey, remember bars? Those places where, before the Great Plague, we all gathered to have a few drinks and make a few ill-conceived, alcohol-fueled decisions? In this modern era of COVID-19 quarantine,Closing Time provides a reasonable approximation of the bar experience—specifically, the part when the bartender shouts, “Last call,” the lights come up, and the solid nine you thought you saw from across the room is suddenly an iffy four. The video centers around a financially struggling downtown Los Angeles watering hole, and apropos of the theme, poor choices are made. Stunning blond sexpot Charlotte Stokely wanders into the women’s room to get down with another hot towhead. What should have been a crotch-swelling encounter is marred by harsh, sickly lighting that highlights every minor imperfection of these otherwise lovely slit-lickers. Was this a creative decision intended to reflect the grim dreariness of bar life? Possibly. But given the talent involved, this is a waste akin to mixing premium whiskey with day-old dishwater. Subsequent scenes, fortunately, are delivered in a marginally less dick-shriveling tonal palette. Tattooed love boy Small Hands bangs out wide-eyed brunette Whitney Wright, and while the lighting still lands on the morgue-ish end of the spectrum, the viewer might well feel his temperature rise. Hopefully he hasn’t decided to reach for the bottle instead of his cock by that time. Despite its tavern setting, Closing Time struggles to serve up a stiff one. —Pico D. Ribibi
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