Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
DIGITAL PLAYGROUND. DIRECTOR: ROBBY D. STARRING: JESSE JANE, RILEY STEELE, BIBI JONES, JYNX MAZE, MANUEL FERRARA, ERIK EVERHARD, ROCCO REED & MARCO RIVERA.It’s a simple formula: girls plus guns. Unfortunately that gets muddled by some ditzy Charlie’s Angels silliness. Standard-issue blonde BiBi Jones opens the plot (what there is of it) by spreading her wings on a pile of coke and cash. (For some reason, the girls have to fuck their targets before hitting them with the ultimate money shot.) It’s a mild opener, but things get more interesting once bred-to-fuck girl Jesse Jane shows up. (Seriously, can anyone imagine Jesse doing anything else?) Her scene isn’t anything new, but still, she’s the liveliest female in this movie. Jynx Maze as the token brunette turns in a passable scene, followed by one of Riley Steele’s strangely detached performances. (The poor girl must be sick of being the decaf Jesse.) Thankfully, crazy Jane herself comes back in the finale as a horny missionary (maybe that’s her real calling). Despite a crack ending, Assassins ain’t exactly a killer flick (and it sure as hell could have used a lot more violence), but you’ll get what you came for: naked, phony blondes acting like they like it while secretly wishing they could kill every man they fuck. Ain’t porn romantic?
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