For the vast unwashed masses, sexual experiences on public transportation involve watching a veiny-titted crack whore suck a homeless dude’s dick on the back seat of a Metro bus in exchange for a couple of tokens and a swig of Thunderbird. Ass Transit offers a less sleazy but still arousing variation on the theme. The video kicks off with a scraggly guy getting on a bus and whipping his limp weenie in back while filming his masturbatory efforts with a cell phone. (Hey, don’t judge—we’ve all been there.) He eventually attracts the attention of a comely brunette, who tugs on his meat while the other commuters promptly move to the front of the bus—sex segregation. Unless there’s been a recent rash of public-transportation rutting that’s somehow eluded the news media, these couplings are no doubt staged, but it’s a convincing illusion. And while it will give hope to any guy who’s fantasized about boning the hot chick across the aisle from him, it will also give pause to the poor schlub who’s wary of boarding the bus for his morning commute and plopping down in a puddle of some other dude’s nut-scuzz. Even so, the sex is boner-inducing, the execution is solid, and the concept boasts an everyman appeal. Ass Transit will have viewers pulling at the cords between their legs as they get off. —P.D.R.