You motherfucking…
“‘You motherfucking ass-licking piece of cocksucking diarrhea shit’…no, wait…strike that…just make it ‘Dear ex-President Trump…’”...
Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Search
I couldn’t help it, babe…
“I couldn’t help it, babe. This girl is a professional influencer, and she’s damn good at her job!”...
A boy was sitting on…
A boy was sitting on Santa’s lap. Santa put his finger on the tyke’s nose and, tapping out the letters, said, “I bet your name is J-I-M-M-Y.” As Jimmy’s eyes lit up, Santa tapped and went on, “I bet you want a B-I-K-E.” “How did you know that?” Jimmy wondered. “Because Santa knows everything.” Jimmy...
Walt was concerned about…
Walt was concerned about his failing eyesight and went to an optometrist. “You should stop masturbating,” the eye doc advised. “Will I go blind?” Walt asked. “No,” the optometrist replied, “but you’re upsetting all the people in the waiting room.”...
Tom was sitting in a bar…
Tom was sitting in a bar when he noticed two attractive women. He called the bartender over and said, “I’d like to buy those ladies a drink.” “It won’t do you any good,” the bartender warned him. “I don’t care,” Tom insisted. “I want to buy a round of whatever they’re drinking.” The bartender delivered...
Moments before his wedding…
Moments before his wedding, the groom and his best man, who went back a long way as pals and fellow playboys, were comparing amorous conquests. The groom boasted, “Except for my wife-to-be and obviously my mother and sisters, I’ve fucked every woman here.” “How about that?!” the best man marveled. “Between the two of us...
Ellena
“My biggest aspiration is to have men and women drool over my Beaver Hunt pics,” declares Ellena, a “fun, wild, fearless and bold” model and content creator from South Lake Tahoe, California. “HUSTLER is kinda top tier, and if you can make it in these pages, you have truly made...
Fat Mike: Punk Rock Historian
The NOFX frontman on the impending breakup of his band, his new classical (!!!) album and his recently opened Punk Rock Museum. Fat Mike is a punk to the core. For four decades, he’s been the leader of smartass stalwarts NOFX. That decades-long run, alas, is winding down to an end; Mike recently announced that...
Asshole of the Month: Lauren Boebert
Colorado, a formerly purple state, has been shifting to the left in recent years, even beating California and other blue states to the punch in legalizing recreational marijuana in 2012. But head westward from the green Rocky Mountain highs around Denver, Boulder and Fort Collins, and you’ll find the legal pot dispensaries drying up, like...
Fight for Workers’ Rights!
Labor unions have existed since the very beginning of America. Quite simply, the associations served to protect members’ rights. Workers learned that if they banded together, they could negotiate from a position of strength for better wages and improved conditions. Throughout American history, labor unions have exerted a positive influence. They helped to create the...
Cobra Spell: 666 and S.E.X.
In a world of overproduced pop and autotuned rap, Cobra Spell stands out like a face tattoo in church. Composed of five hard-rocking ladies—Sonia Anubis on guitar, Kristina Vega on vocals, Noelle dos Anjos on guitar, Hale Naphtha on drums and Roxy Herrera on bass—Cobra Spell plays a blend of vintage ’80s-inspired heavy metal and classic European hard rock. With their debut...
Facial Recognition
Is coating your partner’s face in gonad goop bad sexual manners, or a loving tribute after a good, satisfying fuck? We get to the bottom of this sticky debate. Watch enough skin flicks, and you start to develop the impression that women, every last horny one of them, thoroughly enjoy getting their faces handsomely glazed...
Here Comes the Bride?
No, wedding-night sex isn’t always as mind-blowing as it’s made out to be—if it even happens at all. And no, that’s nothing to worry about. Weddings are a special (some would even say sacred) occasion when two lovebirds commit to each other forever. Gulp! Yesirree, getting hitched means a couple has ultimately decided to throw...
Putting the ‘Ass’ in ‘Classroom’ Vol. 3
Break out your pencil, class is in session! We’re back with another collection of beauties who have devoted themselves to boning up at the School of Hard Cocks. Education has never been so sexy! Britt Blair Madison Summers Izzy Lush Harley Haze & Havana Bleu Adrianna Jade Coco Lovelock...
Shane Gillis: Doggone Funny
You know Shane Gillis. Everyone knows Shane Gillis. His Live In Austin Show on YouTube has garnered over 15 million views (and counting), and his new Beautiful Dogs special is practically crashing Netflix. On top of that, Shane has been rampaging around the country as a touring stand-up, appears regularly on The Joe Rogan Experience...
Martial Arts Mavens
Prepare for the sexiest workout ever as we hit the mat with a group of XXX beauties who kick ass in more ways than one! If you’re reading this, you’re already aware that adult performers kick ass, but did you know there are a bunch of XXX beauties that could kick your ass? I entered...
Scholarly Sirens
Meet a group of XXX sirens who boast some seriously impressive academic and professional credentials. There has long been a stereotype that performers and others in the porn industry lack intelligence or education and entered the world of XXX as a last resort. In truth, many members of the adult-entertainment community attained advanced degrees and...
Love Muscle, or Funny Bone?
In the quest to score pussy, what wins out—a cut physique or a sharp sense of humor? We explore this important question in the eternal battle of brains versus brawn. Since the dawn of time, men have been searching for the secret to having more sex. They’ve read the books, watched every episode of The...
CockTales: Dirty Discussions
Do you like sex? Enjoy a drink or two? Allow us to introduce you to your new favorite podcast. Bottoms up! If you like drinking and sex, CockTales: Dirty Discussions might be the podcast for you. Co-hosted out of Atlanta by Kiki Said So (not her real name!) and Medinah Monroe and found on all...
Parental Cock Blockers
How do you maintain a vibrant sex life when you have to move back in with your folks? Or when an elderly parent has to move in with you? We offer some vital tips on how to keep things from getting too close for comfort. In our formative years of fucking, back when we were...
HUSTLER Legends: Violet Myers
HUSTLER Honey. Vixen Angel. Influencer. Foodie. Legend. Join us as we go deep with this multifaceted XXX gem. If business schools offered courses on how to succeed in adult entertainment, Violet Myers would be the case study to end all case studies. A social media maverick who built her fanbase long before making the leap...
Rubber Out?
Why some guys balk when a woman who comes prepared with her own condoms—and why that attitude is so wrongheaded. If there is one line that’s uttered during a casual fling with a sexy stranger to signal that all of the making out and heavy petting is about to progress to a no-holds-barred night of...
Phone Sex
According to a recent survey, one in five people use their cell phone while getting busy. Which can definitely be a real hang-up, but it doesn’t have to mean getting disconnected from your partner. The technological advancements of the past few decades, it could be argued, have bestowed humping humanity with an abundance of coital...
Artificial Intelligence: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly
In July, the U.N. hosted an “AI (Artificial Intelligence) for Good” global summit in Switzerland, featuring a press conference with nine humanoid robots equipped with state-of-the-art AI brains. Human journalists asked them questions directly, and the robots answered, with no help from their human minders, sometimes tilting their realistic heads for emphasis, their eyes blinking...
I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore
Conventional wisdom about Donald Trump and elections is always right—except when it isn’t. As we go to press, it seems an all-but-foregone conclusion to most that Donald Trump will become the Republican Party’s 2024 Presidential nominee for a rematch against President Joe Biden. Short of an illness—or worse—befalling Biden, there is little question that he...
