April 2009

FEATURES

THE Q&A: RANDI RHODES

Talk Radio’s Foremost Progressive Voice Speaks Out On Her Up-and-Down Career, Tumult at Air America and Saving Democracy

HOWL’S KITCHEN

Spicy Spoof of Reality TV’s Foul-Mouthed Cook

EDDIE VAN HALEN

Exclusive Interview With the Guitar God

UFO’S ARE REAL—NOW WHAT?

Astronauts Go On the Record With What They’ve Seen and What They Know

THE $2,000-AN HOUR WOMAN

NYC’s Priciest Call Girl Recounts An Eventful Night On the Town With Eliot Spitzer’s Femme Fatale

BEHIND THE SCENES: THIS AIN’T GILLIGAN’S ISLAND XXX !

A Sitcom Writer is Marooned On An Uncharted XXX-movie Set With Seven Horny Castaways!

DEMOCRACY REGAINED—FOR NOW

Obama Won Thanks to Activists Who Stopped the GOP From Pulling Off Another White House Heist

GIRLS

PICTORIALS:

CHARLOTTE STOKELY in "Charlotte’s Web" KAGNEY LINN KARTER in "Her First Time" DOMINNO in "Fun to Play With" CELESTE STAR in "She Rocks!" SNOWFLAKE in "One of a Kind" THIS AIN’T GILLIGAN’S ISLAND XXX! MEGGAN MALONE & TRENT TESORO in "Laying by the Pool"

STANDARDS

SEX PARODY

American Schlub

PUBLISHER’S STATEMENT

What Obama Must Say By: Larry Flynt

THE SIREN SONG OF GREED

Will President Obama Succumb to the Temptation of Following the Failed Economic Paths of the Past? By: Robert Scheer

PRESERVING OUR RIGHTS & CORRECTING THE WRONGS

A Scorecard On Restoring the U.S. Constitution. By: Nat Hentoff

DOCUMENTING THE DOCUMENTARIANS

Great News: Over the Past Few Years the Documentary has Become An Increasingly Popular Form of Entertainment. Some Even Enjoy Big Box Office. By: Alex Bennett

TECH KNOW

Essential Gadgets

CELEBRITY FANTASY

Hayden Panettiere

GAME ON

Puzzles, Afro-Samurais and Beast-Riding Beauties

POLITICAL PARODY

Controversial Cuddle & Coo

ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH

Sarah Palin

BITS & PIECES

Hayden Panettiere Gets Dicked, Flashy Snowboards and Bucky’s April Fools’ Pranks

HOT LETTERS

Show and Tell

CLASSIC CARTOONS

Humorous Hijinks from HUSTLER’s Vault

THE GIRLS OF MYSPACE

Adventurous Janessa Jordan

TAILS OF THE BUNNYRANCH

Making An Old Man Happy At All Costs!

COUGARS UNLEASHED

Midwestern Late Bloomer Nicole Scott

HUSTLER HUMOR

Don’t Read These Jokes While Eating— Unless Your Buddy Heimlich is Around

SIGHTS & SOUNDS

Metal Rules! Motörhead Madman Lemmy and Ratt’s Stephen Pearcy

MOVIE MAMMARIES

The Women of Weeds: Mary Louise Parker & Elizabeth Perkins

FAMOUS FLESH

Nipple-Pa-Looza: Lindsay Lohan, Kate Moss ’n’ Keira Knightley

COLLEGE REPORT

Spring Break Tips: How and Where to Get Laid!

EROTIC ENTERTAINMENT

Sitcum Heaven: Teagan Tarts Up the Not The Bradys Sequel, and Otto & Audrey Show You Why Everybody Loves Lucy

BEAVER HUNT

Mag-Rookie Cavalcade